I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
