I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
