i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
