Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
