oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
