I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
