I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
