hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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