Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
