His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
do nipples grow back?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
