his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
