she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
