You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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