It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize