I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
