I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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