either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
