Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
soo... how was my night?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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