The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
