I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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