dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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