Got a toothbrush?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
