Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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