Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
