Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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