awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i will never coherently bang her
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
