ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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