So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize