You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
