I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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