I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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