At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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