That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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