Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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