i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
