I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
