The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
