Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
