You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
