You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
