He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
