So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
