Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
