the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
