I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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