I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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