My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
