Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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