guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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