did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just invented taco cereal.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
