just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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