I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
