I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
