There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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