At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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