We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize