just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
