wanna go halves on a baby?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
