her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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