My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
