R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize