any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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