What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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