Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Randomize
