I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
