She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
