Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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