so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
