He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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