Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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