: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
