too bad you live with your parents still
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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