Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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