just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
