So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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