I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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