its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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