You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Pooping to opera.
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