I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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