I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
